The Modern Dating Game

It seems as though everyone I know is single at the moment. I say that, but maybe it’s just the circles I move in following my break up 18 months ago are now primarily made up of singletons like myself, rather than the groups of couples I used to see regularly. It also seems that as a singleton it’s compulsory to share your dating escapades with your “smug married” friends. They have an unapologetic desire to live vicariously through your social life, and to be fair you don’t mind sharing your stories. Let’s face it, if they can laugh at all of your dating faux pas, and cry with you at your relationship disappointments, then at least you know their interest is genuine and supportive.

Of course you share with your single friends too, and nine times out of ten it helps to know that someone else out there is as much of a disaster on the dating front as you are. My big brother and I are in similar positions when it comes to meeting people at the moment. As a console game designer, he works in a predominantly male environment, and I, as a merchandiser for a lingerie retailer, work in a predominantly female environment. In fact both of us can say in all honesty that the number of people we work with that are of the opposite sex can be counted on two hands...and in my case they’re all married. No chance of meeting anyone at work then!!

We were discussing this over a recent Skype call, and my brother confessed that (encouraged by my experiences on the dating site I’d joined), he’d decided to take matters into his own hands, and was entering the world of “modern dating” by attending a speed dating session.

He told me all about his experience, as I’d admitted I had my concerns about him being able to hold a conversation with an actual girl for four whole minutes without embarrassing himself. Having never been speed dating, I was interested in his male perspective on the whole thing, and I was pleased to hear it sounded like he had a lot of fun, and even came away from it with a couple of numbers. Granted he had to spend four minutes with the obligatory nut job that you’d expect to find at these sort of events...in this instance it was a woman who big bro described as “perfectly normal looking” until she opened her mouth and serenaded him with the Dogtanian theme tune, complete with barking intro. I think his biggest issue with her, was that for the following week he was wandering around work singing “one for all and all for one, muskehounds are always ready” under his breath, much to the amusement of his co-workers.

I was also quite proud of him, as he successfully navigated his way through the “awkward” four minute date without consequence. This is the date we all worry about encountering. Four minutes that feel like four hours because there’s something about the person sitting in front of you that makes you want to make an inappropriate comment or joke. Unfortunately the time limitations imposed by the very nature of speed dating means you don’t have time to decide whether your comments will be taken in the light hearted comedic manner in which they’re intended, or if they’ll go down like a shit sandwich and make the final three minutes and thirty seconds the most uncomfortable of your life.

Big bro found himself in this situation when his fourth date of the evening turned out to be a rather teeny 4’2” tall. His instinctive reaction as she introduced herself was to exclaim

“But of course! I recognise you from your stint in Return of The Jedi as Ewok scout Teebo”

and then make enquiries as to whether she was still acting. Luckily, the part of his brain used to determine whether someone may or may not have feelings kicked in at around about the same time, and he managed to resist the urge. It didn’t however, stop him spending the next three minutes debating (via a JD style internal monologue) whether she’d see the funny side of his comment, and should he risk it for a biscuit? The end result being that he absorbed absolutely nothing that she told him about herself. A typical bloke then!

My foray into the world of dating via the dating site has been somewhat more reserved, as I find I’m still at the stage where I want to weed out the nut jobs before meeting them face to face! Perhaps it’s because I’m a girl and we have to be a little more “security” conscious. Dates have to be planned to the letter and shared with girlfriends just in case your date turns out to be a serial killer intent on abducting you and burying you under their patio. Any variation to the plan has to be communicated to all interested parties and some girls even ensure they have an exit strategy planned, which involves a friend calling to offer an excuse to leave the date if it’s going badly. Personally I have no problems seeing a date through even if its rubbish, as it just seems like the only polite thing to do...besides, you never know when your date might miraculously pull his personality out of the bag!

Nevertheless, the one thing my single friends and I are all in agreement on, is that it’s nearly impossible to meet anyone via old fashioned methods nowadays. Let’s face it...a night on the town doesn’t usually bring the Mr Darcy’s of the world out in force does it? Most guys are so bladdered they can’t even remember their own names, so the chance of them remembering yours is slim! Even if you are lucky enough to catch the eye of a sober guy, it’s invariably because he’s a recovering alcoholic, or even if he’s not, and he just happens to be the sober designated driver (lucky you), where in a bar or club can you actually find a space that’s quiet enough to talk and find out of you actually have anything in common?

“So what do you do then?”
“Huh?”
“I said, what do you DO?”
“Oh yeah” (nodding) “I’m a huge rock fan”
“No, I said WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?”
“HUH??”
“YOUR JOB!?”
“Oooh, no...hate cats!”

It seems speed dating, e-mails, on-line dating, msn chats and Facebook flirtations really are the only way to make that initial contact with new people nowadays. Sure you still get the odd weirdo, but at least you can spot them fairly early on this way. Gone are the days of dating sites and supermarket “singles nights” appearing a bit desperate...this is the 21st Century baby, where we all work unsociable hours and still need a place to go to meet likeminded people. So if you’re in two minds about signing up to that dating site, just go for it – what have you got to lose? If you’ve been toying with the idea of speed dating but you’re just not sure, grab a bunch of your girlfriends and go along as a group for a giggle – who knows what could happen? Worst case scenario – you make a new friend...and who’s ever complained about having too many friends?? Ultimately, whatever your experiences, it will make great conversation when you next visit your favourite smug marrieds and they ask in a hopeful voice...

"So?...Any gossip???"