Okay, so as per usual I’ve left it waaaaay too late to start preparing for Christmas. I’m not talking presents you understand...I’m talking about that Little Black Dress (LBD) that I’ll want to get into for the party season. The dress that you know would look amazing on you if you could just lose a bit of bark. Unfortunately in my case I always leave it too late...oh okay, ridiculously late (as in November) and never see the results that I really want, and therefore never buy the dress.

In my work life I’m relatively organised, however in my personal life I’m a liability. I have a lot of grand ideas about how I’m going to shed the 3 stone that I could REALLY do with shifting, but it never seems to happen for me. Mainly because I’m rubbish at dieting. In fact, the only diet that’s ever really worked for me is the Divorce Diet

“Do you need to lose the weight that’s making you unhappy? Then try the Divorce Diet! One simple separation agreement effortlessly removes around 13st of useless husband, while you sit back, take it easy and start enjoying life again!”

I’m proud to say that nearly 2 years on, and I’ve managed to keep it all off! Yay me!

But on a serious note, this year is going to be different, and although I didn’t quite start in June as planned, I have started in August and this time...I’m going down the exercise route. I’ve done every diet known to man, and never really achieved my goals. I’m not really sure why. I think it’s mainly because I’m a big fat greedy guts and if you put chocolate, cake, cheese, sweets, crisps (anything that tastes nice) in front of me, I’m going to be inclined to eat it. I don’t like being told I can’t have something that I want, so my willpower is shocking and invariably I get bored of denying myself nice things, and ultimately give up. Sucks to be me.

Now Beck-lar is a different animal entirely. As a rather dainty size 10, she has the figure most women would kill for. Slim and athletic, but with a soft and feminine shape. Curves in all the right places, (a good rack for someone as petite as she is) a small waist, hips and a well proportioned bottom. You ask yourself why on earth she needs to diet, and to be fair she doesn’t. But at a teeny 4’11” tall, she does have to monitor what she eats. Unfortunately for Beck-lar she’s not very good at it. In fact she’s pretty darned rubbish. She spends months eating and drinking whatever she wants, and naturally puts on a bit of weight. Because she’s tiny, it is more noticeable when she’s put on weight (not to the untrained eye like mine I have to say), but obviously she feels it in her clothes and in herself. The thing is, when she feels it, everything changes. The diet (based loosely around the Weight Watchers point system and her own regime of denying herself anything nice) becomes her sole focus. She’s like a machine! Her willpower is unfathomable, and she literally can shift half a stone in two weeks just by becoming a little obsessed with the diet.

Now Jonesy is also prone to weight gain, but unlike Beck-lar, she rarely goes through the “eating anything she wants” phase. In fact she and has spent the last ten years meticulously watching her weight. Every single scrap of food that goes in her mouth is accounted for either through counting points/calories/syns (depending on which diet she’s doing at present) or by going out and running five miles every morning thus giving her more “free calories” to use on the foods she’s consuming. Jonesy is a walking talking example of changing your eating habits for life...erm...and of being a bit anal retentive.

The problem with both of these styles for me, is that I cannot be arsed to account for every morsel of food that enters my system...nor can I honestly say that I could refrain from eating “naughty” foods for any period of time in order to lose weight. Life is too short to be that mean to yourself, right?

So, I have come to a compromise with myself. I accept that I am never going to be a size 10 again...which to be fair doesn’t bother me. I looked ridiculous when I was skinny as my boobs were always too big for my body. I’m also now happier with my curves than I ever have been before, as I’ve learned that for many people, curves genuinely are more attractive. However, I could (and should) lose a bit but in order to do that...I’m going to have to exercise waaaay more.

So my regime has been stepped up a gear – cue Rocky theme tune music! My personal trainer (the middle bro - because drill sergeant Jonesy has knackered her knee) is taking me out 3 times a week for running and “ton ups”, plus smaller workouts on the days in between. I’m knackered...I ache...I think I may have a collapsed lung, but on the whole I feel a lot better for it already. I don’t think I’m ever going to particularly like exercise, but if I want to see results, well then this is the best way for me to do it. This way I don’t have to give up all of the things I like – just some of them. It’s the only way I can see myself getting that LBD...and it will be mine...oh yes...it will be mine.

If you do see me out and about, please give me your encouragement. I need it, seriously!! I’d also appreciate it if you could refrain from pointing out that I run like Phoebe from Friends. Thanks.