One guy once told me that he wanted a cook in the kitchen, a lady in the parlour and a whore in the bedroom. He wanted a woman with principles and manners, someone ladylike and presentable, yet sexy and provocative behind closed doors. As women, we’re expected to be alluring and slutty in secret, yet demure and successful in public. Men want to have their cake and eat it, and, it seems - we’re programmed to give them what they want.
I met a guy months ago – from that dating site I was a member of. He gave me his number pretty much straight off, which admittedly unnerved me a little, but I was pacified by the fact that he told me he wasn’t really sure what the “on-line dating etiquette” with regards to number swapping was, but figured if I wanted to chat to him when we were offline, that was the best way to do it... A week or so, and several e-mail conversations later I decided he didn’t appear to be a serial killer, so I dropped him a text, and our conversations continued. He seemed as cute as a button – always knowing the right thing to say to make a girl feel at ease, so it was a no-brainer when we decided to meet up. I really wasn’t expecting much – I’d been on dates with sweet guys, and whilst they were always pleasant, they never really rocked my world. I always worked on the principle though, that the worst thing that could happen was that you could make a new friend.
We arranged to meet at a pub near me (what? – it’s my prerogative as a woman to ask that the date takes place in my territory – a guy who wants you to travel to him clearly doesn’t have a chivalrous bone in his body!) and by sheer fluke we both pulled into the carpark at the same time. When he stepped out of the car I was surprised by how tall he was. Even with a sizeable heel he towered over me – which admittedly sent me a little weak at the knees right from the off. I was instantly attracted to him, but I don’t think it was necessarily his looks that attracted me in the first instance...in fact I know it wasn’t... The first thing he did when he got out of the car was take the piss out of me....and that’s what did it. He laughed at my mardy driving face (in all fairness he did nick the parking space I was attempting to occupy, and at this stage I didn’t know he was in the car!) and told me he'd nearly turned around and driven off! It made me laugh, and ladies and gentlemen...there is nothing sexier than a guy who can make me laugh.
I’m a bit of a joker – my friends and colleagues will testify to this – it’s not something I’m always aware I’m doing - in fact sometimes I make sarky and somewhat distasteful gags in the most inappropriate situations. I very clearly remember the phone call I received from the hospital asking me to gather my brothers together to come and see my Dad after his heart bypass surgery, and the comment I made directly after putting the phone down. I was at work, so had to explain why I was suddenly leaving. I turned to a colleague, knowing that the only reason they’d be calling us in was because he was either already dead or about to die, and said;
“Well it would be just like the melodramatic old git to die on us!”
Appropriate or not, humour acts as a band aid, an ice breaker and a conversational tool for me. I use it to put people at ease and diffuse awkward situations (even if ultimately the situation affects me in the most negative way) and more often than not, I just like people to enjoy themselves when they’re around me. The problem with being the one who’s always cracking the jokes, is that it’s very rare that someone comes along who genuinely tickles me, so when they do, it completely takes me by surprise. This guy got me hook line and sinker, just by being funny...by being brave enough to take the piss out of someone he’d only just met, and having the balls to bare his personality right from the off...oh okay...it kinda helped that he was cute too...but I’d like to think his sense of humour would have kept me interested, even if he’d looked like the elephant man!
Now do guys secretly want the same thing? Someone who can make them giggle? Sure they love the sexy seductress thing (and we kinda love being that for them), but ultimately, if they were given the choice, would they go for someone who looks hot and is a “whore in the bedroom”, or will they go for someone who’s genuine and can make them laugh? I’ve always believed that if you find someone’s soul attractive, the way they look to you will always be sexy...which is why some of us (erm yes...me included) wouldn’t kick Simon Cowell out of bed for farting, and yet others would dry heave at the prospect of having to get close enough to his high waisted trousers to unzip them!
I guess we’re all after different things – some people are driven by looks, others by intelligence and the ability to stimulate them cerebrally. Some people are driven by lust and physical attraction, others by feeling secure and protected. Some of us have had enough hardship in their lives that they just want to laugh. They want to laugh so hard that their sides ache, and they genuinely feel joy again. Whatever the attraction though, I know what I want, and perhaps just knowing your own mind is the most important thing...so what do I want you ask?
I want laughter...and an older man...a much older man with a big bank balance...and a nasty cough!!
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