It’s a well known fact (amongst girls) that women behave slightly differently when we’re in the company of other girls, to when we’re in the company of men. When you’re in the company of men, you are generally mindful that your language should be ladylike, that you should maintain a certain level of decorum, and the conversation choice is carefully selected to ensure you don’t bore men to death. When you’re with your girlfriends, it’s entirely acceptable to spend up to an hour talking about shoes, and the perfect heel height. If you’re bitching about other people, you’re not afraid to use coarser language, and (especially after a couple of glasses of vino) the behaviours seen within a gaggle of girls can be raucous, giggly, loud and very often screechy.
So what happens when you find you’ve let a heterosexual red blooded male into your female circle of friends? I was wondering this earlier as Gaga and I sat in our friend Gareth’s flat gossiping like the girls we are. I’m quite certain that Gareth feels he’s gathering a great deal of intel on the enemy by spending so much time with us. He’s in the enviable position of having myself, Gaga and Princess there to learn from, as he observes us in our natural habitat... But I wonder, as a man...what must he think of us??? In all fairness, I was mainly wondering this after announcing that I was;
“wearing a £15 pair of knickers, and had at least £8’s worth stuck up my bum”
I then proceeded to adjust the wedgie situation in one quick (but not-so-elegant) manoeuvre. Sometimes I forget he’s not actually one of the girls, and often end up mortified by my behaviour when I remember he’s there! I’m not the only one to do things like this however. Last week on our usual Saturday trip to the coffee house - our very own Central Perk, Princess, (who to be fair to her, was suffering from the mother of all hangovers) forgot whose company she was in and announced;
“Shit... I completely forgot to put a bra on today”
It was hilarious to watch poor Gareth’s face as that mental image flashed up in his head, and he battled with the urge to say something blokey and smutty. The thing is he’s integrated so fully into our little gang that he hears everything, and has an “access all areas” pass to the daft, neurotic, inane and ridiculous world of my female group of friends. He sits and listens while we discuss our dating disasters, he humours us by not complaining when we talk about shoes/make-up/clothes etc, and always tuts in a suitably “don’t be ridiculous” manner when we complain about our weight, the size of our ankles/arse etc. He also does a really good job of controlling his gag reflex when we talk about our period pains or our preferred methods of birth control, and doesn’t appear to judge us when we say absolutely awful things about people we don’t like. But what I’m wondering is...what does he do with all this information? Is he sharing it with his guy friends? He’s gone out with his guy mates this evening, and all I can imagine him doing is taking them to one side and saying;
“Geez guys, trust me, these chicks are NUTS!...Did you know that it only takes an average of seven minutes after sending a text before they start complaining about the fact they haven’t had a reply?!”
Or maybe he’s storing up all this insider information, so that when he meets Miss Right in the future, he better understands the female mind, and can therefore be a better Mr Right for her? (I’d like to think it’s the latter, but I suspect it’s probably the former!)
Much to the incredulity of his male friends, Gareth has developed his own little harem, who unquestioningly entertain him with silliness on nights out, cook for him, pick up his dry cleaning and give him lifts whenever he needs them...in fact all the things we’d automatically do for our girly mates - courtesies that aren’t usually extended to members of the opposite sex...and why do we do this? Well to be fair, it’s because men are simple creatures, and as a result they simplify things for you. If you’ve been wronged by a friend and bitch about them, girls will intensify the witch hunt by goading the bitchfest....a guy will become confused and point out;
“but didn’t you do something similar to so’n’so the other week?”
thus highlighting your double standards, bringing you back to reality with a bump. Likewise if a guy doesn’t text you for a day, and you complain to a girlfriend, between the two of you, you can blow everything out of proportion, and before you know it, you’ve got visions that the reason behind the delayed reply is because he’s secretly got a wife and kids tucked away somewhere, and can only text when they’re not around. If you complain to a guy friend like Gareth, you get a non-committal shrug of the shoulders and a simple;
“He was probably busy when you texted him, and now he’s forgotten to reply”
Guy friends take the drama out of every situation, which truth be told makes life refreshingly easy sometimes. Of course, we’re girls so we enjoy a bit of drama, but every now and then it’s nice to be brought back down to earth and reminded that life doesn’t have to be crazy to be fun. Besides, it’s nice to have someone to mother a little... we haven’t got kids of our own yet, and as Gareth has the mental age of a six year old, it’s kind of like having a child!
No comments:
Post a Comment