As I write this, I am sitting in my Layzee-boy recliner chair, with a cup of tea and a packet of hobnobs to the side of me. I’m half watching a documentary on the SAS Iranian Embassy siege that I recorded from the Discovery Channel, and half chatting to someone on a dating website that I’m signed up to (don’t ask). I’m also desperately trying to muster the energy from somewhere, to get up and take the dog for a walk.
I’m aware that this probably all sounds pretty dull, and it really is, but this peeps, is how I roll on a Sunday afternoon. Hilariously, as I chat to Fitbloke1980 I’m telling him all about my evening last night, and how I went to a 21st Birthday party. I’ve been completely truthful, and told him that me and my friends laughed, and joked and drank into the wee hours. We danced and sang and basically behaved like the gag reel from a particularly messy episode of Booze Britain and we had a great night. I am however neglecting to tell him, that as a result of last night’s frivolities, I feel like I’m dying.
The truth of the matter is that I’m getting too old for this. In order for me to function in any way at all today, I’ve had to consume a quarter pounder with cheese meal (large), a chocolate milkshake, and four cups of tea. I’ve had to take Ibuprofen and my body is in so much shock due to the way I abused my liver last night, that I have no control over my own body temp and despite it being the middle of May, I’m wearing a vest, top and a cardigan. I’m also still quite cold and so I’m contemplating dragging the duvet down from upstairs to keep the chill off.
I don’t know why I’m ashamed of this, and unwilling to volunteer this particular bit of information to Fitbloke1980. I mean he’s two years older than me. He must know how it feels to have your useless carcass let you down after a night out – surely?
Fitbloke1980 Member Profile: “Hobbies include going to the gym, triathlons and for funsies I like swimming the English channel at weekends. I’ve just completed the London Marathon and am looking forward to the New York Marathon in November”.
Or maybe not?
The fact of the matter is that none of us want to admit we can’t hack the party lifestyle anymore, and so we’ll continue to publicly enjoy our nights out, and we won’t complain about the blisters our high heels are giving us or the fact that you can’t get a decent glass of red in a nightclub nowadays. We’ll ignore the sensible thought process of “I’ll drive as it’ll be cheaper to not drink” and drink far too much Malibu and Coke at £4 a drink and then pay a further £12 for a taxi driver to pour us through our letterboxes at the end of the night.
In the comfort of our own homes however, we can forget that we’re trying to show the world our stamina, and happy go lucky attitude to life. We can curl up with a brew, a good book or some naff TV, and indulge our hangover...we deserve it...I mean what were we thinking? I for one am far happier when I’m sat on my arse doing nothing.
Message from Fitbloke1980: “I’m into water sports, snowboarding, abseiling and socialising in bars with friends. I am a keen skydiver and am looking for someone with common interests – is that you?”
Hmmm... not really me is it? Unless you count loading the dishwasher as a water sport, or using the shower curtain as a support for getting in and out of the bath (due to my dodgy knees) as abseiling?...
Message from Natz1982: “Gosh, me too – nothing better than feeling the wind in my hair as I hurtle towards the ground in a freefall manoeuvre. Let me know when you’ve next got a skydive planned and I’m there!”
...Oh well...a little white lie couldn’t hurt. He’s probably sat there with a mug of Horlicks whilst watching the Antiques Roadshow anyway!
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