I've been working for the same company for ten years now, and in recognition of mine and a number of other colleagues length of service, the MD is very kindly treating us to a black tie dinner, with a night stop in a hotel for ourselves and a guest.
Naturally the girls will be taking their husbands and boyfriends, but I was in a bit of a quandary as to who to take, as although I have a new man in my life ...let's call him "CB" (it's the initials of his nickname) we haven't exactly upgraded our relationship to boyfriend/girlfriend status.
I thought about taking my bezzie boy mate...he's more than capable of charming the pants of both men and women, he'd thrive on chatting to everyone, and as a squaddie would relish the opportunity to get fed and watered on someone else's dollar. The only problem is, he knows way too much about me, and after a couple of glasses of wine, would undoubtedly be regaling my colleagues with embarrassing stories of me as a teenager, or me now as a drunken idiot on nights out...and well quite frankly, I don't think him telling my MD about the time he and his girlfriend had to put me to bed after I passed out on their floor following drinking games, is going to do much for my career in the long term.
So I got to thinking about CB, and whether he'd like to come. I didn't expect him to in all honesty. As a plasterer, ninety percent of the time you'll find him in combat shorts and a dusty t-shirt, and the other ten percent of the time he'll be in Jeans and a Leicester Tigers rugby shirt, so the idea of him doing the whole "black tie" DJ and dickie bow thing seemed a little off point for him.
He's a quiet man around people he doesn't know, but when he's warmed up with a beer he'll chat to anyone. He's also not at all serious...I mean not serious about anything...this is the man who high fived me after an energetic bedroom session because he wanted me to feel "appreciated"...I don't know what amused me more, the fact that he did it, or the fact that I instinctively returned the high five. (I have advised him that standard post coital procedures such as cuddling are to be followed in future and he seems to have learned his lesson)
Is it safe to take him? Actually I think it is, and not only is it safe, but at least I know we'll have a giggle together. Not least because when he get's his dancing shoes on he REALLY goes for it! I seriously haven't seen anyone else throw shapes on the dancefloor like CB does, so he'll keep all the girls happy just through his sheer entertainment value. Also, its more likely that at this early stage, my colleagues will be able to provide more embarrassing stories about me than he will, so no fear of having my P45 handed to me the following Monday!
Of course if he changes his mind and decides he doesn't want to get trussed up like a turkey at Christmas I'll just have to find another charismatic individual to join me. If you're interested in being put on the back-up list, please apply in writing to
Natz Needs A Date
PO BOX 123
Loserville
Right...well I suppose I better start internet shopping for a new cocktail dress. (Any excuse) so Ta-ta for now!
