Having spent most of my career working in predominantly female environments, first as a waitress, then as a travel agent, and then working within the lingerie industry, moving to the automotive industry has been...well, let's just say it has been an education!
Men often complain that women are impossible to read, and they can never tell what a woman really wants/means/is saying, but having spent the last nine months working with men in what would typically be classed as a "mans world" I can honestly say I find them just as baffling!
Men greet each other with insults for one. Women would find it quite hideous to be greeted with "Oi oi dickhead!" first thing in the morning, but men take it in their stride, often returning the greeting with something equally as rude. Men also have no problems telling you about your shortcomings to your face regardless of how little you're going to want to hear it. At least women have the common decency to bitch about you behind your back!
Men seem to have a habit of giving you nicknames which aren't always the most complimentary...my current nickname (or at least the one they call me to my face) is "short batty" roughly this translates as "short arse" which whilst accurate isn't exactly a compliment. One of my colleagues has been christened "Labrador Head" or "The Retriever" due to her glossy locks...again not the nicest of nicknames but given as a term of endearment...I think. Funnily enough we take these names and actually embrace them though. They're like a badge of acceptance if you work on the principle that men only give pet names to the people they like...that's what I'm telling myself anyway.
Men also appear to be immovable when it comes to their opinions...even when they can be proved wrong, they just can't accept hearing it from a woman. They would rather argue the toss and make themselves look like arseholes, than say "hmm...yeah you might be right there". Women like being educated and learning things that empower them. Men shy away from it seeing it as either a) demeaning to be corrected by a woman or b) that you're somehow trying to change everything they stand for, and this is a privilege only the women in their personal lives hold.
Men appear to be much better at saying no. As women we shy away from negative responses in the workplace. We try to be accommodating, and we try to flex in order to be everything to all people. You can see it in all the women out there who work full time and also try to be a mother to their children. Rather than say, "I've got a child under five, there's no possible way I can have a full time career as well and do justice to either job" we slog our guts out and break our hearts trying to do both. We manage it, but at what cost?
Equality is something the generations before us fought for, and sometimes we take for granted what some women sacrificed to give us the choice to determine our own paths. Sometimes though I can't help but feel their efforts have backfired, especially when I look at the women who no longer have the choice between a family or a career. For the majority of us the only realistic choice we have is a career...or a family AND a career. So few of us can afford to be a stay and home mum. For those of us that do choose family, we're looked down on and the assumption is made that we could never have been successful in a career. Why is this? Isn't ensuring our children have stable and happy childhoods, where they're nurtured and taught right from wrong one of the most important jobs in the world? No'one looks down their noses at teachers, and they've chosen the same vocation...just with other peoples children!
The one thing I will say about working with men though, is that it makes you act like more of a girl. Having been single for so long now, I'd forgotten what my whiney voice sounded like, and I can't remember the last time I needed to pout in order to get my own way. Here in this line of work, it feels like a daily occurrence (and yes I hate myself a little for it). It does however seem to be the only way to get on in a male dominated environment, as being assertive, forthright and open about your opinions, just gets you labelled as a ball-buster...and let's be honest very few men want their balls busted on a daily basis. Just goes to show, that as a woman, yet again, I'm the one flexing my behaviour in order for guys to feel comfortable around me!
Perhaps the lesson here for me though, is that men don't really change their behaviours between work and their home lives. Perhaps the reason I'm still single is because I haven't yet removed the ball busting side of my personality from my social interactions with men? It's difficult to accept that through being a strong modern woman, I just don't attract the right kind of men...perhaps letting my softer, less controlled and more girlish side show in my private life is the key to meeting the right man for me.
Monday 18 March 2013
Sunday 10 March 2013
A Room Full Of Strangers
As we walked into the pub in Leamington, we were greeted by a couple of smiling gentlemen. Both looked slightly awkward, nursing their drinks and making polite conversation. They seemed pleased when my housemate asked them if they were here for the “Meet Up”, nodding enthusiastically. My housemate has been to one of these things before…I however, haven’t and really didn’t have a clue what to expect.
The point of meet ups (which are all organised on-line) is to get a bunch of strangers in a room to socialise and make new friends. You may ask why you’d want to go to a pub and chat to a load of strangers, when you could just go out with your own friends. Well it’s designed for those people who, for whatever reason, aren’t able to regularly socialise with their friends. For some, it’s because they’ve recently moved to the area for work, and they’re looking to meet new friends to ensure they have a life outside of the office. For others like me, it’s because most of my friends are all in relationships and have families, so it’s just not that easy to get together regularly for a night out.
It’s quite daunting trying to make conversation with strangers, when you have absolutely no inkling about what kind of a person they may be. Corinne had already given me the heads up in terms of the people she’d chatted to at her first meet up, and who she thought I’d enjoy chatting to, but nevertheless, striking up conversation wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I had already made the decision not to drink. I am aware that when I drink, I can become a little…well…overbearing. When Corinne drinks she becomes incredibly chatty, however when I drink I talk at people and demand to be the centre of attention. It’s all about me when I’ve had wine, and for people who don’t know me, I suppose it can come across as a bit...obnoxious. Team that with a desire to show off my vivacious personality and wonderful sense of humour (because obviously then everyone will love me, and be desperate to be my friend), I would have just ended up looking like a bit of a knobhead. Not really the first impression I would want to give off. It’s actually flummoxed me for a little while, why some people are wary of me when they first meet me as I know I'm really a rather nice person, but having seen myself drunk on a couple of occasions over the last year, when even I didn’t like me, it’s started to become clear where I’ve been letting myself down.
Usually, when I’m sober in a pub, there’s always some chav with no spatial awareness, who ends up leaning against me. Or there’ll be the fifty year old man who after a few bitter shandy’s, thinks he’s Hugh Heffner and wants to whisper (shout) slurred sweet nothings at me. There are guys who when drunk, think nothing of saying hurtful things about my weight, or lecherous comments about the size of my rack. Remaining sober while everyone else drinks is usually my idea of hell, but last night, it couldn’t have bothered me less. The women on the meet up were a mixture of ages, and had fascinating stories to tell. Some had families, some were divorced, some were career women, some were creative. They were witty, intelligent women, and the kind of women that I could talk to all night. The men pretty much all came across as bright, polite, and mature men. Again the ages of the guys ranged from late twenties to late fifties, but I had no difficulties speaking to any of them, as they were all my kind of people. I love my friends, and that will never change, but as a single woman, looking to broaden her horizons and network with likeminded people, this was a really positive experience, and I’d recommend it to anyone.
The Meet Up is planning a spring ball in April, and I’ve warned them all that I would definitely be drinking for that one. Hopefully they’ll still be talking to me the morning after!
The point of meet ups (which are all organised on-line) is to get a bunch of strangers in a room to socialise and make new friends. You may ask why you’d want to go to a pub and chat to a load of strangers, when you could just go out with your own friends. Well it’s designed for those people who, for whatever reason, aren’t able to regularly socialise with their friends. For some, it’s because they’ve recently moved to the area for work, and they’re looking to meet new friends to ensure they have a life outside of the office. For others like me, it’s because most of my friends are all in relationships and have families, so it’s just not that easy to get together regularly for a night out.
It’s quite daunting trying to make conversation with strangers, when you have absolutely no inkling about what kind of a person they may be. Corinne had already given me the heads up in terms of the people she’d chatted to at her first meet up, and who she thought I’d enjoy chatting to, but nevertheless, striking up conversation wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done. I had already made the decision not to drink. I am aware that when I drink, I can become a little…well…overbearing. When Corinne drinks she becomes incredibly chatty, however when I drink I talk at people and demand to be the centre of attention. It’s all about me when I’ve had wine, and for people who don’t know me, I suppose it can come across as a bit...obnoxious. Team that with a desire to show off my vivacious personality and wonderful sense of humour (because obviously then everyone will love me, and be desperate to be my friend), I would have just ended up looking like a bit of a knobhead. Not really the first impression I would want to give off. It’s actually flummoxed me for a little while, why some people are wary of me when they first meet me as I know I'm really a rather nice person, but having seen myself drunk on a couple of occasions over the last year, when even I didn’t like me, it’s started to become clear where I’ve been letting myself down.
Usually, when I’m sober in a pub, there’s always some chav with no spatial awareness, who ends up leaning against me. Or there’ll be the fifty year old man who after a few bitter shandy’s, thinks he’s Hugh Heffner and wants to whisper (shout) slurred sweet nothings at me. There are guys who when drunk, think nothing of saying hurtful things about my weight, or lecherous comments about the size of my rack. Remaining sober while everyone else drinks is usually my idea of hell, but last night, it couldn’t have bothered me less. The women on the meet up were a mixture of ages, and had fascinating stories to tell. Some had families, some were divorced, some were career women, some were creative. They were witty, intelligent women, and the kind of women that I could talk to all night. The men pretty much all came across as bright, polite, and mature men. Again the ages of the guys ranged from late twenties to late fifties, but I had no difficulties speaking to any of them, as they were all my kind of people. I love my friends, and that will never change, but as a single woman, looking to broaden her horizons and network with likeminded people, this was a really positive experience, and I’d recommend it to anyone.
The Meet Up is planning a spring ball in April, and I’ve warned them all that I would definitely be drinking for that one. Hopefully they’ll still be talking to me the morning after!
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