Mum's The Word

I knew as soon as my mum asked the question, where it was leading.  She's been on holiday for the last couple of weeks so it's been a while since we had a catch up.  Usually if I go for more that three days without seeing or speaking to her, she assumes I've either fallen out with her, or I've perished in a tragic domestic accident (drama queen).  I popped round this evening on my way home from work to show her that I was indeed still alive, and was not in fact dead at the bottom of my stairs, half eaten by Alsatians. Mum sometimes forgets that I live with a friend, who, (if she found me like this) would probably contact her to inform her of my unfortunate and untimely demise.  

Now any single thirty-something woman will know when their mother is preparing to ask them about their love life, because their faces give them away, usually three to four sentences before they actually change the subject in that direction.  They think they've managed to assume an air of benign disinterest as they start their "innocent" questioning, but in fact they're about as subtle as Dame Maggie Smith's Dowager Countess in Downton Abbey.

"So, have you been down to The Arms recently...?"
"I was there briefly on Saturday"
"Because there always seem to be so many men in there"
"It's a pub mum...they have an unlimited supply of beer, it's bound to attract men"
"You should go down next weekend..."
"Because there are men there?"
"Yes, lots of them."
"Mum, whilst admittedly important - having a penis is not the only thing on my 'potential future partner' wishlist...do you think we could dream a little bigger for me please?" 

The fact she mentioned this at all though, suggests that she's getting itchy feet about my single status.  Parents like to fix things, and now that I've got my career pointing in the right direction, she clearly feels it's time I sorted out my non existent love life.  This happens every now and then, and to make her feel better (shut her up) I've let her set me up on the odd date.  In all fairness, she's actually got quite good taste in men - she married my dad after all, and despite the fact that I'm insanely fussy about the type of guy I find attractive, the last one she set me up with was actually quite nice...but she hasn't always hit the mark.  

Following a family gathering at my aunt's one year, she tried to point me towards my aunt's cousin.  She spent a lot of time justifying it on the basis that my aunt is adopted, and only related to my mum through marriage, and as my mum is actually my step-mum there was absolutely no blood link between the cousin and I. She was also unfazed by the fact that the poor guy was terminally ill.  Whilst she clearly felt she could potentially be bringing joy and happiness to the chap's final years, I couldn't help but feel we'd hit rock bottom on the set-up front, if she was considering short-term relationships with family members (however tenuous) as viable prospects for her only daughter.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm a pain in the arse when it comes to men.  I can't even begin to tell you the earache I got from the girls when I ditched a guy after three dates because our priorities were fundamentally misaligned.  (He brought "romantic" blowing bubbles to a picnic but forgot to pack the cheeseboard...clearly that was never going to work!)  I'm attracted to a certain type of man, I'm not at all driven by looks.  I like a guy who's nice, but not "nice".  I like a man who's not afraid to tell me to shut up when I need to pipe down.  A man who is confident enough to stand up for his opinions and enough of a gentleman to accept that I may have a few of my own.  A man observant enough to recognise when I'm trying to manipulate him, but bright enough to let me get away with it seventy percent of the time.  I like these qualities because these kind of men bring out the best in me...It's just that finding one like this, who also likes you back is tricky business.   

Bless my mum though, I love that she's always trying to find me the best guy out there - but if there's one thing I know, it's that I'll only be happy if I find a guy that makes me the best girl...but I don't hold out much hope of finding him down at The Attleborough Arms on a Saturday night!